Passenger Seat.

I would use a picture from Indiefest, but no one has uploaded anything yet.

But yeah, Indiefest was awesome. All the people, the bands, the music, the equipment, it was amazing. I would twaddle on longer around it (did you know twaddle doesn't get the little red lines below it?) but words cannot express the emotions going through one when playing live for a group of people.

Things with Cassidy are the still the same. I talked to Komal about it, and she helped, she's been through a lot of things, so, thank you Komal <3 (even though you can't see this). And after we packed everything from Indiefest and drove off (Brandon was in a different car so it was just me and Jesse), I really got to talk to Jesse on a deeper level, which was really nice. We also talked about my situation with Cassidy, and that also helped because he's been through a lot too, there comes a time when you just gotta do whatcha gotta do. Plans are that I'm going to give it another week or two, and if we're still talking like casual friends, I'm done. It's a fucking ~horrible~ feeling to actually know that hey, you're putting all of your heart into it, only to be greeted by nothing. Stress on how she's trying 'not to get too attached to me.' Well fuck. We shouldn't have even dated. Why even be together if you're purposely trying not to get attached to me? I poured my heart out to you, and, well, paranoia was right for once, I do care more than you, your love is not the same as it seems inside my brain. But. Tomorrow I'm going over her house, and I'm just going to confront her about it, talking to Komal and Jesse really made me feel like I'm not the only one, and that it's really whatever. So. We'll see how that goes. She came to Indiefest though to see us play, and when I personally opened the door for her and greeted her, she made it seem like I'm a creeper. Then I hugged her, told her that I missed her (it's funny cause I really meant it) and and tried to kiss her, which just felt more like it was me trying to force a kiss on her.. Ohwell I guess. I'm just shit to you. Then we really didn't talk until we played, and afterwards she came to me to tell me she was going to leave, which was weird because she actually tried to kiss me before she left, but I just leaned away from it to make it as little contact as possible. You can't do one thing only to follow it with the opposite. And now here I am, only depressing myself even further.

I feel like it'll never be the same, really. It's going to be like this until we break up, which I'm starting not to even care when it gets to the point when I'm putting everything into only to be received the way she treats ~us~ with a casual friendship. She's not going to change. All my efforts are for nothing. I deserve this. I drove myself right into it. As much as I don't even want to go any further, to try to fix things, I just really hope everything could go back to the normal, cute, loving couple we were. I know that we talked and said everything would be fine from now on, and I tried the day after, I called you dear, darling, sweetie, and I complimented you on how beautiful you looked in the pictures, and I tried all day, but God, do not expect me to keep trying. Now I'm at the point;

"but yeah, the only thing i can tell you at this point is. try to close yourself off like she is doing. i'm sure she's hurting, too (or at least, i have enough faith in her to have such emotions).

if you're prepared, then maybe it won't hurt as much.

but i am sorry to say that this is kind of inevitable. /:"

~Komal

And I'll do just that. I wish everything could get better, and I'll keep my optimism up for 2 more weeks, but it's just tearing at me, it's degrading, and I really hope you knew how hard I'm fighting this losing battle..

Jesse really understood. And I found out we both were really the same in the sense that we over-analyze things. He also helped me incredibly much with the 'not getting attached when I'm just loving her more' because he's also been through it, it's comforting to talk to people who know what I mean, who have been through the same emotions that I have. Shannon, I don't mean this in the sense that you didn't help, because you couldn't imagine how good just letting me vent to you is, so please, don't take this the wrong way? I love you~