I'm not her dearie, or darling, or sweetheart anymore, and she never missed me. And really. I'm done. I'm just done. Why try anymore? It's sort of like a feeling of failing, of not feeling accomplished, not feeling fulfilled. And it's really degrading. It's tearing me apart. She doesn't love me, but I still love her. Why can't she at least play me for these last few months we have together? At least pretend that she cares about me, pretend like we're a happy couple, I'd rather have that than this..
I have, since the start of this relationship, put soo much into us, that I'm for once proud of myself. I have thrown my heart, all of my emotions into it, do I really deserve this? After being the best boyfriend that I have ever been compared to my past girlfriends, am I the wronged one? Do I deserve this? I don't know what else to say. It's just soo unsatisfying, being cute and loving to her, only to have her talk to me like a casual friend. And we fucking talked about it too, I fucking took the blame for fucking every thing, 'it was all my fucking fault, I'm sorry,' and you said that we were fine now.. I'm not happy. At all. And, I'm still find myself trying. I'm still putting everything into it, and I really wish that you would too..
She doesn't care as much as I do, and I'm really afraid that it'll be that way until we break up for college.. I want to cry. Crying making everything better for the time being, it's emotionally relaxing. I feel soo lonely, soo sad, soo fucking worthless, I'm nothing. I've waited for love, I waited for someone like you for such a long time, and here you come, and.. I still feel worthless, no matter what anyone tells me, if I can't make you happy, if we can't be a couple in a loving relationship, then what's the fucking point of it all? You made me incredibly happy when you actually cared, true love truly does wait, but now..
It's too far to say I want to just lay down and die, but it's like that sort of feeling.
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