Go Slowly.

It's not the same anymore. Ever since Sunday, it's not the same..

No matter how happy I may get, I always end up thinking about everything and then I just get depressed again. It's not the same. It doesn't feel the same. It doesn't feel as comfortable as it used to. It's as if there's a constant lump in the back of your tongue and it's a constant neusance.

I don't know. I don't want us to end, and I'd do anything to make it all better, but I don't know what that is. It's all my fault. I'm the idiot in all of this. And she really doesn't care about me as much as I thought. I really wish I could disappear right now, not even in the teenage angsty way, just go far away so that all this could boil over and never be thought about again, that it all goes back to the way it used to be, and see if anyone actually missed me, including her. They won't.

Fuck, I'm sorry about being soo whiny. I feel like I shouldn't be feeling all of this, but it bothers me that it doesn't feel comfortable anymore, and yet I still find myself putting on a smile for you, because if I don't, you still never ask 'what's wrong?'

Hopefully tonight I can go to sleep without crying myself to sleep for the third time in a row~