Hey look! It's the Eagle Nebula! Fuck yeah! Nebulas and shit! Actually quite interesting, all of that is dust in space, and it creates stars, which creates solar systems. I dunno. It's also portrayed as the "There is no image macro for what I am feeling," because there really isn't right now.
Today was good though. Brandon called me up at 10 in the morning asking if I could hang out with him since Jesse and his parents are out until Tuesday, so, he has the whole house to himself. I got there, and we just had a really, really, reeeally chill time together, he's almost a different person when he's with only one other, like, him and Jesse compared to him by himself. We got to bond a little more today, and it was nice. We also started talking about Cassidy, and I got his advice on what to do, and it feels good to have people help you through things like this, it makes you feel soo less alone in this world. Uhm yeah, towards the end we went outside in his backyard and just layed down on his patio talking about how we wished we could grab the sky and pull ourselves up to it. But good, 10-4o'clock hangout. After that, I got home and I messed around with this free 'broken' micro Korg a friend gave me, and it works fucking perfectly for something allegedly broken, I even ran it through my $1,000+ pedalboard for even more awesomeness, and then at 5 I went off to Cassidy's.
We hung out at her house, and it was actually nice. I came in, said hi to her really nice parents, and then we went downstairs to watch some TV, which, went better than expected. At first we sat on the couch, and she just layed down and put her feet in my lap, if you get the picture, then I moved to the floor because I found pillows and I was sleepy, and I thought I'd try it, so I told her to come down and cuddle with me, and wow, she did :) Then we just cuddled on the floor for a little, and then we went off to diner. Diner was nice. That is all. Then she took me home because she had to pack. Here's where the fun starts. We got to my house, and she asked me if we were ok, as a couple. And I told her that I think we are, I want us to be. Then I just told her everything, that I feel unfulfilled, that it's a really one sided relationship, how she treats me, and everything, and she broke down, and I felt horrible. She started crying, saying 'I'm sorry' over and over again, and how she's sorry for being a bad girlfriend, and I tried to comfort her, I really didn't even care about anything else, but to have a girl actually cry on my shoulder, it's wow.. I felt really bad though because she was crying all because of me.. Ugh. Then it just went to how she was sad because she couldn't make me happy.. And that's where I kinda felt cry-y, but I didn't, I just held her really tightly and whispered to her that everything was going to be ok, how I still loved her, and how I still cared about her, and then she told me that she still cared about me too and that she was soo sorry and how she just needs time now. Tonight was really emotionally draining. Now, having her know everything and seeing how she responded to it all, I want her really badly, I want to hold her, to call her my girlfriend again. And, I can't help but worry that she'll break up with me, and really, I'm really afraid of that now, because I still want to be with her. It's exactly what Jesse told me, 'they'll reject you, but you'll only want them even more.' I really hope she gets better, but I'm going to give her time and space until she feels ready to talk to me again. I hope we turn out ok in the end, and that we're still together, because she makes me happy, and I truly care about her, and, yeah, I want to be with her, and I really hope she feels the same.
Oh, and I learned how to play and sing Skinny Love by Bon Iver. And I'm hanging out with Tyler tomorrow because he wanted to when I told him all of this, and, he's awesome <3
So. I guess an amazing weekend in the end.
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