The Cornerstone.

I feel horrible for somethings this end of the year. But I shouldn't, because it's their fault. Three girls have ended up liking me. And all three, I've shot down. Two freshman, and one sophmore.

(feels good being single bro)

But, I felt like utter shit when I found out, and the feeling when I told them no, was pretty bad. I don't think I'm good enough you know. And I know that I'm not good enough, every relationship has reminded me of that. And through all relationships I've been in, (except for one), all of them actually ended up with more pain and grief, than any of the emotional or physical pleasure... I mean yes, emotionally, I'm a much happier person when I have someone that you know, cares and loves me but, it's not nearly worth everything after that relationship. The fucking lies and gossip. It's almost like comparing the high to he shit that remains in you that tells tests that you attained that high, shit will stay in there for a while, and you can't do anything about it.

(did you know that being single is cheaper than dating? Yeah)

It's not that I'd want to find someone that I can be happy with, that has even a slight similarity in the things that I'm interested in, but, it's more that I fear being in a relationship. I fear not being good enough, I fear people talking, I fear society.

I love my little bubble, I love my friends, I love my loneliness. I love it all really. And it's because it's all familiar territory. I've roamed that territory, I know the boundaries.

But when I cross into unfamiliar territory, I fear myself.

(if that makes sense?)

...

(sidenote, if no one wants to listen to me, this place will <3)

And as sad as it sounds, you, or anyone else shouldn't feel sorry for that, because I for one, love loneliness. It give me freedom. And I love silence. It gives me time to think.

The Meaning of Freedom.

Is there any right or wrong? No, we are taught it.

Is there any reason why you should give a shit what other people think? No, it's just convenient so that they can achieve their own goals, whatever they may be.

If you really want to be free, all you need to do is ask yourself, "Is there something I would rather be doing?" Then choose if you should be doing what you would rather be doing. If you acknowledge that there is something that you would rather be doing, but don't do it - aren't you then doing what you would rather be doing?



You are free, it is an illusion that you are not because you can do anything you fucking want to do. You do for whatever reason and that is why you are free.

Live your life the way you please.

Morals and social boundaries are not part of our species, they are taught.

Forget them they are meaningless.

Back in the U.S.S.R. Again.

Well, seeing how I'm bored, I guess I'll keep on ranting or whatever. Just for you<3

People have asked me on numerous occasions why I'm soo quiet.

(i don't mind, I ask myself sometimes too)

Well, I don't like talking if I'm in an environment where I feel... uhur... What's the word? Intimidated. Seeing how this is personal, I am extremely intimidated by the fact that Logan and some of her friends are in the class.

(durr)

I know what happened with us, and I still believe that I made the right choice. But lets not get into too deep things.

Unlike other classes where I'm around people that are friends, people that I know I can act as myself, I am a much (well a little more normal than English) more open, smiling, talky.

So, yeah, that's pretty much why I'm as quiet as a 60 year old man playing backgammon.

One thing that deeply pisses me off, are people who crave attention. People that will say something suggestive (Man today was awesome) or phrases that will almost require you to ask what happened. Unless you're a friend of mine, I do not, give the slightest of a shit. This also plays in with why I'm quiet. I believe that no one cares what I did, what I own, what I bought, what I believe in, which is why I have the problem about people who crave attention. But I dunno, that's just me.

(hi Catie!)