Well, the placement of our recent argument came right before I was supposed to get my hair trimmed (December 18ish). It was really long to my new standards of ~long~ and I got really bored with it today so I took one of my mom's machine trimmer things and I took one big swipe right down the middle of my head. Looking back in the mirror, it was really one of those "well, I can't go back now." I think it may have been a number five or six head but my hair is really short now and it feels weird and I sort of regret the decision but it's not all that bad? I think I'm just going to let it grow out a little then go to a salon or something. I don't know at this point. I have some sort of "no one really cares either" mindset so it doesn't even really matter what it looks like; it's not like it's making me any happier so whatever works? Oh and:
I've just been staring at myself through the webcam and it was weird at first because I'm not used to having hair this short but it's fine?
I've been getting better at not listening to sad music and sobbing every night. I saw Girl Scouts, Modern Baseball, Dikembe, and You Blew It! on the 30th and I was joking with Dikembe and You Blew It dudes the whole time and they were actually laughing really hard and I made buddies with them and the lead singer of Dikembe accepted me on Facebook because he remembered me and I got to sing right into Tanner's mic for their two last songs and after their set, Tanner put down his guitar and said "Come here buddy" and hugged me and thanked me for a really amazing show and I just. Wow. I may not have very good friends from around here except a handful but I can make friends with band dudes really easily. And I bought two Dikembe shirts. So that was my high point of the pre-New Years.
I feel like a whiny teenager but I've actually been really lonely lately. Besides going to that show and going over to Jesse's for a few hours when he came back, I've been sitting at home playing video games and watching movies and I don't really know where my phone has been these past days nor has anyone texted me anyway. It actually isn't that bad if I didn't have to see/think about other people and their friend groups or multiple groups and people in relationships and that all. I mean. It's not all that bad, honestly. Games have been keeping me fairly busy and I've been sleeping and spending enough time in bed to be borderline depressed so. Mason's not really any better either. I've made friends, yeah, however none except for Helen are worth actually spending time with because they're all either boring or really two-faced. So. I'm okay with being alone for the duration of college. I'll have a car this summer and I'll be able to go to any shows I want and however many I want and I'll have classes to keep me busy and stuff so. I guess I've come to a point of acceptance with everything. I don't miss Tumblr. I'm honestly even debating deactivating my Facebook for a few months maybe - until the end of 2nd semester. I'm just going to start trying to do what I want to do and being selfish to achieve that as long as I'm not hurting any human being. I just wish I had money because that sometimes prove to be really great at pulling me out of bad swings. I want to try to get a job at Gamestop over the summer if I can schedule that with maybe two summer classes. Who knows - we'll see.
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