The Holland Tunnel

I was going through my emails and deleting old ones so my inbox is at a comfortable 20 emails and I kept finding emails of pictures from my phone of you and the cats and I sort of saved them away in a folder. I miss the kittens. But hey, I'm glad the future has treated you better and, out of all honesty, when I think of you being happy by yourself or when you're with your friends or anyone else, I'm a little happy too because I think I know how much you deserve to be happy and finally get the attention you merit yourself. You were right, too. You will be the only person to love me as much as you did and I'm sort of at peace with that because you gave me what was possibly the best year of my life in terms of feeling like an okay person for once. You won't believe how great you'll feel when I'm just a memory and you have someone new to replace what I once was and I hope I built a foundation of stability for you so that you can really work on your new relationships. That sounded really fucking stupid actually - I'm horrible at explaining myself. Just focus on making good friends. Unlike me, you're a really beautiful and just sweet, humble, great person to be around. People like that in other people. I just want you to do 10x better than when we were dating. You deserve that much. I just need someone to slap me over the face.

I've liked this band for a little under a year now and I just looked up the lyrics not too long ago to one of my favourite songs by them and this song just does an excellent job of pinning this position I've been in for the last few months, so, if anyone's interested, ~~~~:

"Sleeping in is getting old so I'm lying down, continually unsure - keep wondering why I waste my time. I looked up now I'm out of touch with what I thought I once was. I'm standing now but I don't know how much trust I have in myself or anyone else. My hands are becoming too weak to hold onto my own head. I'm exhausted from telling myself that I really know nothing. What keeps me from leaving this room is the memories I have of the time that I sat here and held on to something I said - but I'm over it. What makes me feel so weak is my inability to walk out from under this fucking ceiling. No one knows why my head is numb; it's all a part of why I can't feel sad when I know that it's worth it - I'm done trying."

This is why I love small, twinkly emo bands.