Motivational Song

My mom will never be able to be happy for me that I'm happy.

But. Today was really, really, really pretty great c:

Flying Lotus

Today was just, really, really relaxing and great,
and I really love her~

Night on the Sun

I feel like writing more because as of this sentence, it's only 12:06 and Modest Mouse is the mood music of tonight so far so,

Ben's really adorable. I can fully respect guys who don't fit into that social image of a really attractive male with abs and a slender face and some cute role in a TV show or something like that, which in-turn has thousands and possibly millions of fangirls fantasizing of touching him with sexual intentions. While, yes, he has gotten much slender now, Ben will always touch me (ohoho gay) as possibly thee (thee, emphasis on the ee) cutest celebrity person ever, hands down. Put aside my Jonny Greenwood and Thom Yorke. I mean. Look at him.

He makes my emotions putty when I look at him, and that's not including his voice. And Death Cab has been on of the 3 Founding Cool Bands that Alex liked in his musical infancy days: Radiohead, Death Cab, and the Arctic Monkeys.

Oh, and being on the theme of music, go look up Isaac Brock. He's the lead singer of Modest Mouse and he's also another manly role model of mine, because Jonny is impossible.

I have money, but I don't know exactly how to use it just yet. I wanted to pick up a Peavy Vypr 30watt amplifier head now that I got ride of my Vox AC15c1 to Mrs. Schofield for $400, so, I have that $400 to spend. The Peavy's only $190. Or. I could try to look at something in the 200-$300 range but eh, I'll see. Then $600 (hopefully) for my Nikon and I can use that and whatever's left of the $400 for a nicer body, and then I forgot Christmas money, oh, oh okay~

So, that's all my life consists of. And, I really hope I can actually go talk to Mr. Lederman about my little psychiatrist problem, and hopefully it works out.

Goodnight/Have a nice day, everyone~

Positive/Negative

Ben Gibbard in his early days is a beautiful Ben Gibbard, and rocking a Gibson SG, probably late 80's or 90's model, because the new ones of today look gay.

Is it strange to say that I want a psychiatrist? I'd feel horrible approaching my parents with the prospect of getting me one, but it's teasing my mind somewhat. Someone that you have absolutely no ties to, at all, nothing known between the two of you and just openness? Of course it teases me dreadfully.

I could always go find those people in school who are apparently psychiatrists or, whatever they are, mental poops, or wanna be soul seekers who wish to fulfill themselves by working with America's youth. Do I feel sorry for them? Maybe. All I know, they sit in their little offices and do nothing to my contemporary knowledge; one of them located 2 doors down from Mr. Brown's glorified orchestra. I miss the class. The music, the layers, the harmonies, the dynamics, it all appeals to me greatly but, so does laziness. Pity. Yeah. I think I could try to talk to Mr. Lederman about it and try not to sound like I've gone off the bend or that I'm suicidal, because if they look at my record, I'm a clean student with no disciplinary issues and not even a tardy to a class, so they won't think I'm doing it to skip class, right? They won't think that I'm doing it for some loophole reach-around to the system.. I just want to talk to someone who doesn't know me and tell them exactly everything and at least see what they have to say about it, I mean, they did go through college for it, right? Take their advice. See how it goes. And if it goes swell-ly (what's the word for that?); I can go back, shake their hand, and thank them. That's all I want from it. Maybe I can wait till college and contract one myself without my mom or dad ever knowing. I don't want them to think that they grew me up wrong or something, because that's the last burden I want to put on them...

I don't want any of that medicine shit though. Simple human guidance and judgement.

Welp. Okay. I wrote this while listening to "Building Something out of Nothing" by Modest Mouse.

Ghost World.

I just bought these for Sohane

am I a cute boyfriend yet?

Looks like it's gonna be a great day today.

Aside from anything we've done or said, the fact that she could bring me from a pretty down mood to smiling and laughing by being weird makes me love her. I missed having someone to cheer you up when you're down. So. Yup. My blog posts are getting/will continue to get very gay.

So I wrote a song and called it the love of my life.

It's a let down how any little thing can throw off my mood. I honestly do not want to be like this, and I hope I grow out of it.