Yay me I got an Ampeg B2 and Acoustic B410 for Christmas and that's them with my other two cuties; soon, I will have a wall of amplifiers.
Well. Ever since I sort of broke down really hard one right, specifically the night that I deleted my Tumblr. I'm not proud of it but I've been literally listening to Joie De Vivre and crying myself to sleep ever since I got back from Mason; I guess I couldn't really do it there given my living circumstances. I've just been having bad dreams on top of that fatigue of falling asleep that ends up either waking me up at night or scared or sulky in the morning and I feel bad for my parents because they have to deal with me being sad and quiet. Giving up on Tumblr was reassuringly easy and it's kind of okay really. Everything on that site lead me back to her one way or another and I couldn't do that anymore so. I can't believe how unbearably fucking unhappy I am and how much I want to lay in bed all day and do nothing with my life. I just want to lay down and die from embarrassment and jealousy and insecurity and loneliness and the sadness that is like having excess body oil on the forehead and back and chest. I'm not a poet by any means. I am a satire of myself.
I just wish I could sleep okay. I haven't really talked to anyone for days. I've just been leaving my phone on my desk this past week and nothing. I don't even understand why I'm getting an iPhone. I don't even talk to anyone. I haven't texted anyone these past two weeks besides asking Jesse if I could use his Netflix account. I bought myself a new game lastnight however so I've just been using that to occupy my mind I guess. I really want to cry again. I guess tonight's going to be the same as all.
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