Submarine Blues.

Last night, I had another one of my "thinking" nights.

(i dunno, am i a girl about this kinda stuff?)

But, I was sitting in bed with the tv off and pitch dark, meticulously thinking about my life.

All that I've achieved, want to, and current state.

I've look at my past, and how life could have been in Romania,

(aka shit.)

And life here.

And, I'm proud of myself, well, mostly the initiative that my parents took to bring me and our hopes here. And it has paid off.

But, then I start thinking about the future, and I see nothing.

Not trying to sound like another depressed teenager but I truly believe that I will not have someone there for me. Seriously.

I don't think that I can get out of this state of mind I've been in since high-school.

(girls scare the shit out of me. And they always will I think. )

And I will never be able to take the initiative and do anything about it, because I believe that I'm doing everything fine here, just waiting for someone to come by, even thou it probably might never happen.

(truly.)

I look at some of my friends and how they talk about their relationships and girls, etc, and, I don't understand why it's such a big deal to have a girlfriend? Almost everyone wants one, like some other materialistic shit, and when shit hits the fan, all they do is cry out for attention.

(hopefully college could change me.)

I'm doing perfectly fine without one, even thou I do start thinking about these things.

Time will tell.