are you guys seeing the reoccurring Cassidy theme coming back up in my posts lately? yeah, shit.

Movies like Juno.

I really have no valid reasoning behind my complaining and for what I'm complaining.

While I do realize and accept that I'm in the middle class, I have parents who love eachother and me, who care about me, a supportive (besides my dad's greedy side) family, and I'm generally healthy and barely ever get sick, I have mediocre but acceptable grades, I have friends, all of that. I'm fortunate. But dammit do I hate comparing myself to others less fortunate. Like when people use the excuse 'WELL THE KIDS IN AFRICA,' honest, I don't care at all. It's a shit thing to pull, too. Why does the situation of another which has no direct ties to me affect me? We are all born differently into different cultures with different norms and social positions. I don't care if there are starving kids in Africa because 'God' would not have that, but since he's apparently real, he does like having starving, diseased people around the world who were born no deserving of their contemporary condition.

Going off on a tangent, I want to stop before I get even worse and more offensive.

Another thing. Offensive. 'This offends me, you offend me, I'm offended, they're offensive, I'm not offensive,' shutup. People are soo sensitive. There's nothing wrong with being offensive nor should I know if you were offended because before it came out of my mouth, I know you would have been offended and I meant it to be and for you to be offended.

Ok. Having made you guys hate me more, I'm sad and lonely and sad and it's that little period when I don't talk as much (or, I hope I don't talk a lot in general) to people and where I'm neutral and moody and sulky. Having read everything at the beginning of this post, it was intentionally meant (not) to make you not feel as bad for me, but have a slight taste of hate on your tongue. Or I don't know where I'm going with this. I can't want to have a relationship but hold such high standards, especially for someone like me. But I don't mind waiting even though I will complain and be moody in the waiting period. I mean. I waited for Cassidy to come along, and pre-'I don't want to get too attached' was great. I mean (2x), the conversations we had, and the, of course, physical companionship we had was great, really great. But. Fuck it, because as Sean Bonnette would say in this situation, 'love will fuck us up.' Or Thom Yorke and his 'I don't want to be your friend, I just want to be your lover,' up in this bitch.

I also do not read over my posts so grammatical errors are expected.

Polishing your mirror, purifying your mind.

I really do dislike complaining, because I feel weak by doing so. Yet, I don't know how I feel about being alone anymore because it sort of sucks. I hate to be gay and mention it but I miss going out with someone.

However, the football game on Friday was beautiful. Komal and Silvia came and I could not have been any happier because they're beautiful. And I got to see Drew the Leopard again! The man is a mystery to science, but damn is he beautiful. I used to have a really big crush on Komal (I don't see how anyone couldn't) during 12th grade but I'm not quite too stunning at all so nothing came of it. Having learned of Jesse's take to her, instead of feeling treaded on or betrayed, I approved and tried to help with it. Jesse's always had a thing for her, and I guess they've both had a thing for eachother, but it's great knowing that some of my bestfriends are dating and they're happy together, and really, it's all I could wish for. Silvia's sort of a hopeless romantic of some sorts, but she gets her way with guys most of the time, and seeing her in college, I'm glad she's exposed to a new level of maturity among guys because with some of the stuff she went through in high-school, I felt really bad for what she's been through..

After the game (we didn't even stay the whole time), Komal, Silvia, Drew, Tyler and I went to iHop and that again, fuck, I love spending time with wonderful people..

The game sort of sucked in one aspect. It wasn't that I was wearing flipflops in that weather, but Cassidy was there. All I'm really going to say is that Silvia's a wonderful person and I'd like to thank her in person next time I see her for helping me through that in the little that she did.

Moving on, I crave intimacy and Modern Warfare 3. Fuck. I was at Gamestop earlier today to pay off MW3 and there was the cuuuuuutest girl there that walked in with her boyfriend, and fuck because he was the typical 'herp derp long straight black hair with a snakebite and skinny gray jeans and a cool ass swag hoodie' but they seemed happy together, so, I'm not going to peddle with it. I just want some girl who like all my shitty musical obsessions and doesn't care if I don't text her back because I'm playing videogames and who doesn't mind watching bad movies with me.

Uhm. For the 2 weeks or so that Battlefield has been out, I have 50+ hours logged on it. In Layman's Term, that's not good for my body nor social life. And I think it's going to get worse when I pick up MW3 tomorrow.

The more I look at it, the worse I feel. I looked at Cassidy's profile and derp she's happy around the neck of her new boyfriend. Oh welp, off to Battlefield and good music~