Cornerstone.

I guess things are alright now. I cried a fuck of a lot yesterday night, and a little bit this morning, but I'm over it for the most part. I mean. It can't be repaired or undone, but I'm getting over it, and happiness really is your best friend. I really wish I could just forget this, but it isn't something easily done at all. It's like something that will lurk on my mind for a long time. What I'm more worried about is if this will affect me emotionally on a long term, because I've already been in shallow water but this, this is just going to send me deeper. I'm afraid that it'll change how some people look at me. I'm afraid that I'm going to just hit rock bottom. I really don't want to live this way, for the most part. And sulking leads to depression. But I'm too good for depression, well, I hope I am. Because, depression is just.. really depressive, not wanting to even get out of bed. I mean. I get out of bed because I want to go to college so I can get a job and a car and a house and if it's not asking for too much, an amazing wife and kids. I want to keep trying to move on, but it's just soo hard right now. I'm just babbling on now, I'm sorry.

I don't think anything's going to happen between Cassidy and me. I mean. Even if she tries, I can't handle a relationship, and my past ones have shown that well enough. She's a beautiful girl, and I can't get it out of my mind that she could do 10 times better than me, she deserves some guy with a nice body, a guy that's good at something, a guy that's emotionally stable, a guy that's interesting, a guy that's perfect, because she deserves just that. I'm just a sad sappy sucker (Modest Mouse reference anyone?), and that low self esteem will just drive me down like it did with Logan. I can't be with a girl that beautiful, because as humans, we accept the love that we think we deserve. And. I'd feel bad if she wants to try to go somewhere with me, I'd feel horrible for her, I'd feel worse for her than I feel for myself right now, because she's better than me, she holds more emotional value than I hold for myself. If you understand what I'm trying to say? If not. I'm sorry, because I can't simplify that.

I don't wanna cry again. So. Goodnight~