Sometimes I just wish someone would tell me that it’s okay that I’m the way I am and that it’s normal at least to some extent. And I don’t go out in life seeking pity from people because I naturally push people away with my pessimism, but it’d just be nice for someone to say “I understand” and entirely understand, but that in itself is impossible because we’re all just humans.
And it just sucks that I live my life with some kind of constant hatred of an aspect of myself, may it be how much I over-think things, get paranoid, lonely, fat, disappointing, and just every shitty thing possible. I want to tell my mom to take me to someone to tell me if I have something wrong in my head because I’m afraid that it’ll be the only way I can stop being the way I am and start being a better person to the one in my life who deserves it the most. And I just feel useless and pathetic and a waste of an okay condition human body because I can’t let some things go, and I’m soo sensitive to everything. I always end up over-thinking it until I start freaking out and getting paranoid and crying all the fucking time and I really hate it, I honestly do because I don’t want to live my life like this. I mean honestly. I sat in bed for two hours this morning sobbing and then in the shower and then in the car because of Pedro the Lion’s The Bells, in which the character’s father says “I understand, son.”
College is going to be bad in some really key aspects of my life, and I’m just really afraid and lonely.
