Sense, Sensibility

I cut like a bitch. They're not even deep.

To Care (Like You)

I just want to zoom forward in life. I feel as if all of this pointless bickering is worthless. High-school's pathetic and I can't anymore. Well. I will go on regardless because well, yeah, but I can't stand being who I am. I hate everything and I like that because I don't feel as if I should stoop down to a level that I don't want to go down to. I just want to zoom forward and graduate and then zoom forward to my 4th year in college and start living then, that is, if I even make it that far.

This isn't an attention spam some type of 'herp derp gonna kill myself,' but thinking about it really scares me and I just don't really understand why. And, it's not as if I want to be like this for the rest of my life, and it's that which scares me...

But fuck do I have a good life so far. And I'm not taking things for granted, like her.

I just don't want to think badly of this whole schooling period of life. But it's hard. School work's not bad, I enjoy studying and doing homework to some extent, it's just life in-school's really bad sometimes but, here's to me complaining. I just wish I could stop complaining so much.

And I guess today's just a bad day? School got the best of me and that's frustrating, not necessarily that there are a ton of idiots alive, but that I let it get to me, you know? It's like a sense of disappointment in myself. And trying to do all of this AP Gov stuff and actually reading and studying the chapter like I haven't before; it's alright, but fuck it doesn't mix with my emotions today.. And that's why I'm afraid of college; it takes studying, yeah. But if I'm always pessimistic about life, then, where am I gonna get? I can't tell myself "it'll all be okay" because then I'd be lying to myself and that's the last thing I want to do to myself. And I have to write about The Importance of Being Earnest and it's not that I don't like the play or that I find it uninteresting, it's just that this mood ruins it all for me. I want to study and analyze and understand it all, but I feel like I can't, and it's depressing I guess.

I'd feel bad if I say 'fuck it' for today and stop working. Then I'd feel like every other idiot I make fun of.

What if electrical engineering is too much for me? What other major could I try to get in? Is there any kind of job that wouldn't require me to interact with idiots? I'd love that; some steady job that earns a pretty okay pay and isn't stressful.

Ugh. I want a kitty.

I never really re-read my posts for grammar errors. Fight me.