Today was a bad day in general, and I'm sorry about that.
Uhm, well, it being all wet outside, I can't go long-boarding to take my mind off things, my mom hides texts from my dad that confirm that I can drive alone, people are senseless, and I wore the best yellow flannel, basketball shorts, and flip-flops today, I wish I could wear this every day. Aside from that, I feel very lonely lately, pity, because I've been on a fairly good feel-good streak for a week or so.
Yesterday was nice. Bwandon, Jesse, Connor and I performed with the Symphonic Band last night playing one of our songs and the band incorporated, which, was pretty glorious. Afterwards, the four of us just went out to Subway till 10 and just talked and had a bro time. Bros are important, and I'm finding out more and more how important they are, hoes are a dime a dozen, but bros are forever. The drive there, I was in the truck with Jesse while Connor and Bwandon were in their own truck, and again, like after Indiefest, we just talked deeply about things, and, it was good, but it also put my mind back on things that I completely blocked out for a while, and, that sort of sucked, but I'm happier, and that's a lot to ask for. Kenya though, that Senior girl, before we got to school to set up and practice, Jesse picked me up to go to Connor's because Brandon was there teaching Connor the vocals, and Kenya was also there. I walked in with Jesse, and she was getting ready to leave, and all three of them were wishing her a happy birthday, and I just sat on the couch with a glass of raspberry Arizona minding my own business not saying a word to her, and later that night she adds me on Facebook? Bitch, I didn't even say hi or bye or happy birthday to you. Eh. I don't know why I'm fussing over it as much.
I was going to rant about something. But I forgot..
Yes. Seniors. And it always hold a strong topic in my mind. I'm fucking sad that they're leaving. All the amazing people I got to meet this year and all the amazing Seniors I got close to this year, I didn't make one single friend from the Junior class. Fuck the Junior class except the small number that I have as amazing friends in it, it's full of just, bad people that I would never even want as friends, they're all fucking idiots, immature uncultured idiots. It's soo fucking sad. The Seniors are leaving, and I have no one to talk to me about things that I like, no one's going to be there to talk to me about Radiohead or Death Cab or Stanley Kubrick movies or Wes Anderson movies or obscure British humour movies. And, not to sound like a dick, but I'm always the third hand when it comes to my friend groups as a Junior, the only contributions I always make are jokes, funny things, but no one fucking likes anything that I like, I'm just sitting there like a fuck listening to people talk about things they have in common the same way I talk to Seniors about stuff, and it's depressing. Really depressing. I don't want to feel lonely. And that's really the main reason I just leave at lunch and go sit with Tahmeed and Michael and Jesse. The conversations feature discussions, civilized opinionated arguments (hint; no one throws hissy fits if you bash something they like or believe in), and I'm sorry if this comes off as mean, but it's true. I don't want to sit there and listen and watch people be engaged in really, what I see them as, as interesting conversations between themselves, and I'm just sitting there, completely oblivious to what they're talking about. So, yeah. Today's a bad day.
