Scientist Studies.

~British Accent~ Sometimes, I cannot help but feel, terribly alone.

Then I start dreaming off, imagining how life would be different if she was here. You know? I'd set up scenarios in my little mind. It's all very sad though. But, I'm too awkward even when I talk to people, let alone girls sometimes. That's why it's hard for me to make friends. I fear people think I give off a 'weirdo' vibe. Like. I'm not some kind of psychotic kid. I don't even know why I added that last tidbit it. But, if people come to understand me, and not think I'm weird, I'd love to have another friend.

What'd you get for Christmas? I got v-neck and underwear. It's comfortable though :) Aside from that, I got a $200 Fernandes Sustainer, $116 Bigsby B5, and anywhere between $350-450 for professional work done on my guitar to install those two. A lot more complex than it sounds, really. He has to drill cavities inside my guitar to fit a bunch of new stuff. I'm excited :)

Seeing happy couples, not necessarily annoys me, but it saddens me at times. I've grown to such deplorable level that it's like trying to survive in the wilderness when someone compliments me on anything. I feel like, they don't really mean it, you know? Like they're only saying it out of pitty, or because they feel bad for me or something. And I'm just awkward overall sometimes. I'll sit in class and my mind dozes off, if someone says something to me which they believe should provoke a response or conversation from me, they're quickly let down. I'll hear what they say, then I'll repeat it in my mind times and times over. And the comedic thing is that I turn out to be staring at a wall repeating these things, or I'll just stare at them. It adds to the awkwardness. It's all very jolly in the end!

What makes me sad? Good books, good movies, old people alone, puppies that are sad, kittens that are sad, anime, not having anymore Pomegranate and Blueberry juice, realizing how alone I am, seeing other people sad, having my parents not care about something I'm excited about, finishing my sandwich and then realizing how quickly I finished it, when my soda looses it's fizz, when I get a boner and my pants rip, when my Xbox controller batteries run out and the night is young, and when I'm in the shower and my shampoo/condition is empty.

And you know what else really hurts? I don't have anyone that I can talk to about deeper things. Like, a best-friend which we talk about our ~lives. Not; 'WHAT UP.' And. Like. mm. I wonder how other people have such deep friendships where they can talk about things like that with other people. Is it jealousy? Yes. Entirely. I believe. I'm always alone. Not even in the 'OMG GUYS I'M DEPRESSED LOOK AT ME PITY ME.' no. I don't want anyone to feel bad for me. And I don't want anyone to think differently of me because I'm soo depressing in my blog but, understand my situation, and. Yeah. I'm surprised I'm even able to talk about my feelings on here. I never talk about them to any of my friends. So. This is my vent? I guess. I need to stop, I'm becoming gloomy even thinking about this.

Now, if you'll excuse me (and you will because what you're reading now is history), I'm going to go to bed and dream about an ideal world where I have everything I could imagine, and not materialistic thing, but emotional.

Thom Yorke.

I am invited to a party which is being hosted by some old friends. As usual, I get to the party early and stand awkwardly outside the gates to the house. It is dark but warm, and unknown creatures speak to one another in the night. I step hesitantly into the overgrown garden, and notice a light on in the house. Although the party may not have started, I convince myself that my hosts need help with the preparations. I am a dab hand at samosas.
Easing my way through the conifers that bar my progress, I approach the lighted house. Intending to play a minor joke, I peer in through the window, and I am surprised to see two Aliens from Outer Space conversing in the drawing-room. They appear to be engrossed in a clever discussion, and I withdraw quietly, not wanting to disturb them. After loitering outside the front gate for some time, I make my way back home, now sure that the party is either not going to happen or that I have inadvertantly entered another dimension.
About a week later, I come across one of my old friends in a cafe. He asks me why I wasn't at their party. I make my excuses and leave. My brother calls me at home, and we discuss our respective social lives. My brother complains of a boredom with life, while I counterpoint with a distrust of parties in general and clever Aliens in particular.
Eventually, we agree to finish the conversation, but as I put the phone on the hook I am seized with terror. Quivering, I run a bath, aware that both my reactions and my emotions are ill-placed

Delicacy.

Sometimes, it sets in I guess. It's like phases. Really. I don't know any other way to explain it. For several weeks I'll be happy, in a good 'chill' mood, postivish thinking, then for another few weeks, I'll just be.. shitty I guess.

Suprisingly enough Facebook doesn't help, it just helps me realize how 'good' other people have it, I guess, I don't mean to sound self-centered, but it just, makes me jealous of some people. Oh well. Calm music, yes?

Click it, if you want to though, I don't wanna seem imposing on you.. I don't want to post it on Facebook, James already posted a link to this actually nice song, and I don't wanna seem to 'hurdur look at me guise' so, Blogspot.

Guitar, yes? I finally pick up my majestic piece of wood and metal, and I instantly fell in love again. The only turn off would be my parents being home :l I don't like playing while they're home :l I feel like they're listening :l And I can't turn it up really loud so the amp and my iPod match volumes so I can drown out the guitar part on the song and only hear the vocal, drum, bass, and electronic :l And Romanian food is reeeeally. Really good. Pickled cabbage? Holyshi~

Lolofftopic.

Uhm.

It's not easy to get out of these moods, but it's really easy to 'calm' them.

Don't Tread on Me.

Bloop. I guess I haven't said anything. And in good spirit. There's nothing to say. Whenever I felt sad or something bothered me, I went back here, and read my last post. Then I didn't want to write anything. So it's all good :) These below are my darling, Remington 700 w/ synthetic stock (I'd like to find a wood stock), and a Remington Model 870 combo. There's a gunshow on the 18th at the VFW I believe. The good thing is I might pick up a Mosin Nagant 91/30. Soviet invented, Soviet built. It was their infantry's primary bolt action rifle. Cheap too since they were produced in the millions, $150 is probably the most expensive you'd find, and if anyone is charging you more, it's since they're dicks, or the rifle has matching numbers and is in amazing condition.

I guess the only thing that gets me now is loneliness, in my sense of the word. Sometimes, I'll miss the feeling. But then I remember that it's been my fault in every single attempt, thus, I can never make it work.