So come on.

:)

Amnesiac.

Why. Do I feel sadness and regret? Why. I did nothing.

I regret everything I've done, and everything I haven't done.

Like, I had a good time there, I talked to friends, got to know Carlo a little more, had a good time with Jessy, but now I feel horrible. WHY. It'll never work out. My mind is soo full of fuck right now, like, I can't even focus on what I'm thinking. Then again when you think about it, there's nothing to be happy about. I think I'm having an emotional breakdown..

I think I may know why. If it's never gonna happen, why bother? Am I not good enough? Then again, thats a rhetorical question. It's like I'm wasting my emotions on something that's complete bullshit, well, maybe that's a little harsh but, something that'll never happen, so, why waste myself over it? I feel like I'm trying too hard, it's just not me, if it happens joy, if it doesn't, don't pursue it, the answer has already been given. I need to go back to my normal self. This should stay as a lesson to why I shouldn't fuck around anymore, it's too much of an emotional hassle..

On anther note, my blog is too depressing.

That is all.

A Lack of Color.

Now that I, I guess you could say "tasted" this, all I want now is someone to say "I love you."It's like a leech that clings to you and saps you. It's like a venom slowly poisoning you. I don't like these feelings.. I feel like I'm weak. Well, weaker than I normally am, like I have a weak spot open, like I'm going be dependent on it, but I can't be, I can't dwell on it, because if I do, I'll just be an emotional wreck, and I promised myself I can't be like that since the last time I was.

If it takes to put on a smile, I will.

It's too draining..

Transatlanticism.

The one time, I actually sum up the courage and emotions, "it's not the right time."

I give up. I'm finished.

The Employment Pages.

I shouldn't be up at this hour. But meh, since there's nothing better to do, I guess I'll sit around and type letters that make words that make sentences which finally make paragraphs.

I got very bored tonight and I started reading some stuff on Wikipedia and I came across a mild form of bipolar disorder which I do believe I may have. This isn't coming from "hurdurr teenage angst hurdurr." I seriously do believe I may have it. Cyclothemia I believe. It's basically like, periods of happiness and excitement and all that giddy stuff, so sulking sadness and low self-esteem. Or it could just be bad and good days. Oh well, the reading occupied some 30 useless mintues ^______________^

uhmmmmmm.

I'm alittle scared about homecoming now seeing how several girls asked me to uhm, "save them a dance." LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Well. I didn't say that. But I implied it. So it's the same. I can't dance thou, and grinding isn't dancing, and I can't dance to rap. Yesh. We'll see if it works out (: I'm gonna have to overcome some very strong emotions to do it.

Everyday I wake up and I go through the saaame cycle, it's like I'm forever stuck in a looping. There's nothing durrrr.... no excitement, no.. BAM SURPRISE kinda thing, it's alway the same. Untill weekend, then I just sit at home and do things. Like, things.

And whenever you're sad you always eventually find something that puts you back in a calm mood. But there are somethings that you come across that just you can't push aside, and that's when I become depressed :l derp.

Trouble Weighs a Ton.

I'll never mean anything to anyone..

> My face when I don't really mind.

That is all. (:

Disengage the Simulator.

So, we all change over time. The person you knew last year, won't be the same person the next year.

My view on relationships has changed, I'm not sure what I thought about it before this (i feel stupid for thinking anything else) but, it's more about finding someone that accepts you for who you are, no coverups, no lies, etc, yaknow?

meh. Techno.